hold on tightly, let go lightly

January 6, 2011

I handed over my database at work today.

I KNOW I handed it over to a smart, dedicated, conscientious woman who will not destroy it.  Or even hurt it a little bit.

But oh LORD did it feel awful to let it go.  I don’t have children, I don’t want children and I’m not going to have children but I think I understand some of what a mother goes through when she leaves her child with someone for the first time.

I documented as much as I could and when I built all the queries and named everything I tried to make it as transparent as possible but still… it’s not in my control anymore.

I used to wake up in the morning thinking about how to build this thing.  I thought it up, I designed it, I built it, I loaded it, I trained people to use it, I tweaked it, I documented its maintenance and up keep and now I’ve let it go.

And now there is a hollow spot inside me where this creation used to live.

I need another glass of wine.

night.

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