hold on tightly, let go lightly
January 6, 2011
I handed over my database at work today.
I KNOW I handed it over to a smart, dedicated, conscientious woman who will not destroy it. Or even hurt it a little bit.
But oh LORD did it feel awful to let it go. I don’t have children, I don’t want children and I’m not going to have children but I think I understand some of what a mother goes through when she leaves her child with someone for the first time.
I documented as much as I could and when I built all the queries and named everything I tried to make it as transparent as possible but still… it’s not in my control anymore.
I used to wake up in the morning thinking about how to build this thing. I thought it up, I designed it, I built it, I loaded it, I trained people to use it, I tweaked it, I documented its maintenance and up keep and now I’ve let it go.
And now there is a hollow spot inside me where this creation used to live.
I need another glass of wine.